It's difficult to believe a year has passed. A full 365 days. I woke up that morning and I just knew. I could never tell you why, but I knew. I went about my day as planned. Went to work and tried battling that knowing. But I was hyper aware of the phone sitting in my pocket. I waited for it to vibrate, letting me know I was right. And it happened. I don't remember the time, but I remember it happened. My Granddaddy was gone.
I remember it was sunny that day. How fitting Eddie Vedder's lyric, "And the sun it may be shining, but there's an ocean in my eyes 'cause I know that this is goodbye," was for how I felt; how we all felt. But today is cloudy and grey. The universe paying homage to a great loss. I hope it snows. It would feel right. Granddaddy loved the snow. And though I'd be lying if I said I feel absolutely no sadness today, I have to focus on the present, something my dad actually talked about earlier on his Straight Up Living page, "My father passed one year ago today. I share that to stress a point. I could spend this day remembering, in detail, the last days of his life. I will not because my Dad taught me to do things differently, and to think differently. I choose to honor him by FOCUSING my mind on the things he taught me, and to live the best life I can. He loved family, intensely, and was extremely generous in all ways. Today, what are you choosing to focus on?" So, today, I'm focusing on the present. I'm focusing on how smart my daughter gets as each day goes by. I'm focusing on bettering myself as I see needed. I'm focusing on loving. Not sadness. Because more days are going to pass. More years without Granddaddy and everyone else we've lost. Focusing on the sadness will do nothing for their memory, but moving forward, staying strong and continuing to love will do wonders. "I've got our love to remember. That will never change, I have you in my head." -Eddie Vedder, "Goodbye" ****EDIT: Not even an hour after posting, it started snowing.****
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AuthorHello! I'm Lindsey. I'm a writer with a ton of random thoughts bouncing around in my head. So I share them here in hopes that they reach others with these thoughts. Archives
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