I have wondered lately why friendships aren’t seen as complex as romantic relationships. They have the meeting phase (which is extremely difficult as an adult I might add.) Then there’s the honeymoon phase, where you realize all your common interests and spend a ton of time together. And then, when things get comfortable, things can just fall through. When you break up with a love interest, your friends encourage you that you’re better than what they put you through. You believe it, grow and move on because you know you are more valuable than that. But is that not true for friendships?

I’ve lost many friends over the years. A few particular relationships stand out as they made me question if there was something wrong with me. These were people I could see being a big part of my life for years to come. And they’re gone. I’ve walked away from some, ran from others, and some have left me behind themselves. When it happens time and time again, it makes you truly question why you always seem to be the common denominator.

Through the insecurities, though, I’ve finally learned a lesson, and maybe that’s why it’s happened so often. I needed to learn this lesson. I needed to learn to voice disagreements before they boiled over.

 Looking back, even as far back as high school, I can tell you that often, the relationships where this happens were already on a shaky foundation long before the damage was bad enough to end things. Issues that I was too scared to bring up. I didn’t want to lose my friends, so I just ignored the core problems and nearly drowned in the ensuing drama. Of course, in high school, we didn’t quite have the emotional stability to address and work through those issues as much as now, in my late twenties.  But the point is, I’m finally learning to pinpoint the problems early on before the proverbial house collapses.

In that sense, the problem was somewhat me. I was so afraid of losing something that was already fragile that I just ignored the red flags until it was too late. In the last decade since then, I’ve really worked internally. I’ve found my spine, and with it, my voice.

Alongside those newly strengthened traits, I’ve also found my independence. I’ve spent so long being afraid of loneliness that I allowed people to treat me less than I deserved until I broke under the pressure and finally stood up for myself. It doesn’t take me so long to catch on to that, now. And I’m not sure if that’s intimidating, but so far it hasn’t worked in my favor—strike that. As I write this, I realize it’s not that at all. It’s not working in their favor.

Something I tell my children is that they don’t have to be friends with someone who treats them unkindly. I tell them that disagreeing doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with them, but that you don’t have to put up with people who are flat out mean or are disagreeing more often than not. They are worth more than that. It’s time I start leading more by example, because I realize it’s true for me, too.

See, with each ended friendship, I’ve learned more about myself. I’ve grown, evolved. I’ve discovered that I am actually a person that I like. I’m happy with myself. I take pride in who I am. I’m not perfect, but I know I’m always learning. I have learned my worth. And I won’t stand down when others refuse to see it.

Most recently—very recently, actually—I lost someone I considered a close friend. Lost is putting it lightly, honestly. They tore themselves from my life completely. Something they did bothered me, but I didn’t bring it up. I was trying to have grace and move forward, but as I struggled, I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I suppose my feelings were shining through our regular conversations, because I was flat out asked if something was bothering me. I was honest. Why would I lie? What would that accomplish? I explained that while I accepted the apology, I felt I wanted to address a few things specifically so that I could process and work on moving forward. So I put it out there. I’m a writer, so this was all handled how we usually talk anyways, on chat. I asked for them to take time and process what I had said, hoping to have a mature, relationship growing type of conversation, not rush through things in a heated manner and causing more wounds than necessary with high emotions on both ends. The next day, I had a goodbye message with a little error box telling me I couldn’t reply. They had blocked me. This was someone who I regularly called best friend.  I had future plans with this person, like being in their wedding, going on a trip together. And now there’s just nothing.

Perhaps I could have handled things more gracefully in this most recent event. Been more willing to discuss step by step instead of relying on my strength as a writer and putting it all out there at once. Or simply addressing it sooner. I will take responsibility for my part. I believe in accountability. I’m neither perfect nor immune to making mistakes, and I will never claim to be. And I’m upset—I’m hurt, I’m angry, even, but I won’t try to force someone to see my side. I will mourn the loss, and others that have been like it, but I will not apologize for letting someone know when I’m upset. I will not apologize for not agreeing with someone all of the time. I will not apologize for knowing I’m worth more than that.

You can’t sacrifice yourself, can’t sacrifice your worth, for someone else.  I can tell you, in the aftermath of a huge loss, that this stands true.
 

There’s this vicious cycle for women in society and to ask where it begins is likely as impossible to answer as the whole chicken and egg debate. That cycle is how women are perceived to treat one another and how women actually treat one another. If you look back in my past, I can tell you that a vast majority of my hurts were inflicted by other women. You more than likely can say the same about your own past.  However, there’s also this stereotype, which is where the cycle comes in, that women can’t interact with each other on a regular basis without their being this underlying dislike, jealousy, or just general “frenemy” behavior. How awful is that? Seriously, it’s pretty terrible. Like I said, I’ve had my fair share of problems with other women in my life, but I know without a doubt that I don’t dislike my best friends and I like to think they don’t dislike me (I’m joking, I know they don’t.)

For whatever reason, society pits us against each other. You have to strive for the best body, the best clothes, the best hair. You’re so shallow because you love to dress “cute” and wear make up every day. You’re “frumpy” for no makeup, messy hair and yoga pants. You have to be married (“to a man”*) to find happiness. But you have to a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone. You have to rock a career or be a mom. You don’t want kids? What does your husband think? You do want kids? How archaic?  If you’re a working mom, what a pity your baby will be raised by a stranger? If you stay at home, what do you even do with your day? It’s so pitiful that you have no aspirations in life but to pop out babies and sit at home with them. But, also, while you’re staying home, you better do daily crafts, have the most angelic behaving children and a spotless house. We’re even judged in how we raise our children—something that is really just the business of the parents and children involved! You’re awful if you don’t breast feed. You’re disgusting if you do. Seriously, women just cannot catch a break with this stuff! It’s everywhere, coming at us from all directions. It’s so easy to just get swept away in it, tired of fighting against the current to prove, “No, not me.” And when we get swept away, we lose sight of why we fought to begin with, and we can turn against each other.

You know, there’s a verse in the bible that says we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that is praise worthy. How amazing is that? That God can create us so perfectly, flaws and all. (And please, hear me out if you aren’t a believer, because I believe this is fitting for everyone!) You are amazing. You are beautiful, inside and out. You are perfect in every way, flaws and all, because that’s how you were created. But, you may have noticed, it doesn’t mention that the only ones who are wonderfully made are in one column and anyone not fitting those confinements aren’t. God created us all to be wonderful. He created us all exactly the way that we are on purpose. Don’t you think that’s amazing? Even if you don’t believe, think of how complex humans are. How we are all the same base, but completely original at the same time? That’s awesome! You can’t deny that, no matter your religious beliefs.

Taking that a step further, if you are fearfully and wonderfully made, so is every other woman (and all humans, but I’m specifically talking women today) you come across. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like someone’s hair, or how they do their makeup if they do any at all, or how they spend their free time. It doesn’t matter, because they are not you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means perfect in this area. There are times I see someone I don’t like, or maybe don’t even know, and think something nasty for just a moment before catching myself. “Those shoes with that outfit? That looks awful.” But no! It’s not awful! Because if that is the outfit that she felt amazing in today, then it’s a great outfit. It’s none of my business how any other woman is living her life as long as she’s not hurting me or anyone else (or herself, but that’s a topic for another day) just as it’s no one else’s business what I’m doing.

So what do we do about this? In the broad spectrum, I feel like a lot of women in society are already fighting back, but it’s not enough. We as women have to band together. Show the world that we aren’t all hormonal animals ready to fight each other for the last top in our size at the mall.
There’s a bible verse that has just really bee resonating with me and it’s the proverb “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Be that iron that sharpens the iron around you. Don’t be jealous of someone’s accomplishments, instead cheer them on! Even if you’re in the same business, it’s not a competition! Someone being successful doesn’t mean you can’t be successful yourself! We deal with so much crap in the day to day from stressful jobs, misbehaving kids, and everything in between. We don’t need that coming from the people we should be happy to be around. My best friendships are the ones where we’re constantly cheering for the other’s success, even in times where we are trying so hard to no avail yet. Be a good, supportive friend!

I feel like there’s this misconception between what a happy, supportive friend looks like, though. It’s not smiling widely and cheering on every move they make, even the bad moves (which you then judge in private). It’s being able to kindly tell them the truth of how you see things when they ask. It’s challenging them to think differently. Friendship isn’t all or nothing—no relationship is. There’s a balance. You can give your honest opinion when you’re asked, while still allowing them to know that you’ll be there for them if things go awry. You can set boundaries within the friendship and it still be a good friendship. Iron sharpening iron is to help each other grow and evolve into a better version of you than you were before.
 
So, in short, rise up, women, and empower each other. Embrace your differences alongside the things you have in common. Love each other. Lift your women friends up in a world that’s trying to tear us all down. Let’s shatter this cycle once and for all.
 
 
*NOTE: This is NOT my belief, not even CLOSE. I’m just showing the extreme pressures from society, and this is one of them. I am all for marriage equality and all equality.  

     As I watched the hour pass by, waiting for someone to show up to my house for a planned visit, I found myself growing more and more frustrated. This person, who I will keep anonymous since I’m not trying to put anyone on blast here, asked if this day and this time frame worked for me. I didn’t come up with the plan, they did! Yet, here I was and here they weren’t. I tried to keep it cool, give them the benefit of the doubt. It wasn’t a set in stone time, it’s fine. But when it had finally been an hour past the scheduled time, I gave in and sent a text. I needed to make dinner very soon, given that we’re now on a much stricter schedule since my oldest has started Kindergarten.

              “Were you still planning on coming, or….?” I texted, trailing off to hopefully seem laid back.

              Ten minutes passed. Then, finally, “Got called in to work sorry.”

              Life happens. This, I understand. I’ve had to back out of plenty of plans for various reasons. What bothered me, though, was the inconsideration in not even telling me the plans were canceled, not even an hour after the scheduled time. I put off cooking dinner for my and my children’s hungry selves for this person. Beyond that, even, I was frustrated because I had told my kids. This person happens to be a family member and the visit wasn’t for me to have some grown up conversation, it was for them to see my children, who they haven’t seen in several months. My kids were excited and then I had to pop the bubble that this family member wasn’t coming and didn’t tell me. Thankfully, they were fine, but, I mean, to be honest, they’re somewhat used to this.

              I found myself not just frustrated, but downright angry. Not violent rage angry or anything, but angry enough to want to say something. I sent another text calmly explaining that I should have been told, especially when the time was confirmed the night before. Surely, this person had 30 seconds to send me a brief message canceling. But they didn’t. They apologized and admitted they should have called. The response isn’t why I’m writing this, though.

              After I sent my “rant” sounding message, I felt almost guilty. I felt as though everyone probably thought I was so crazy for being bent out of shape over someone not showing up to see my kids. This isn’t the first time I’ve been upset about someone not following through, even if I hadn’t always said something. Surely, I was just overthinking this all. Surely, I was just being crazy.  

The more I thought, and still think, about it, though, I’m not crazy. My time is valuable. My children’s time is valuable. My children’s feelings are valuable. We are worth something. We are worth seeing, we are worth being told if plans are canceled. It’s not crazy to know your worth.

I’ve been sitting here feeling like I was in the wrong simply for wanting to be treated with respect. For wanting to be told within a reasonable time that plans weren’t happening. Why is it that we think we have to just sit back and accept whatever is thrown at us, lest we appear “crazy?”
​
              I’m not one to promote lingering on negativity, so I know I should let this go to an extent. I will. I’m not going to be angry forever over canceled plans. However, I do think it’s so important to know that you’re allowed to stand up for your time. Your allowed to tell someone they didn’t treat you with the respect you deserve, even in small situations. It’s not crazy. It’s knowing your worth, and you are worth something. But you know what is crazy? Thinking it’s okay to not show someone simple respect such as letting someone know you can’t make it. 

     A few years ago, my place of work was robbed at gunpoint. My story is a lucky one where the robbers left with nothing and we were all safe. In the routine questioning, the police asked us how the robbers got in, as this took place hours after our usual closing time. We explained that we had extended hours that weekend, so the robbers were able to walk in right during working hours. Would you like to know what happened then? The cops took what we said as fact and moved on with their questions. They didn’t repeatedly ask us why the doors were unlocked, trying to change the words to confuse our stories. They didn’t tell us we shouldn’t have had extended hours for our busy time of the year. They in no way blamed us, the victims of a traumatic situation.

     So why do we insist on doing this to rape victims?

     Why do we ask what were they wearing? Why do we ask if they have a history of promiscuity? Why is everyone and every past situation more to blame than the person who actually did the raping? It’s well beyond past time to stop blaming the victim and blaming the rapist, the same way we blame the drunk driver, the child abuser, the murderer, the robber.

     Unfortunately, periodically, a big case hits the media where people are mourning the ruined future of a rapist for being caught in their actions, making sure to use nice pictures of the attacker and explain all of their successes to further prove how wonderful they really were.
This disgusting excuse for media portrayal is damaging enough to the victims in all of these cases, but it goes so far beyond that. This is detrimental to all victims.
 
     Recently, a friend of mine found out that her worst nightmare had happened while visiting an old friend. He had sexually assaulted her, a fact she didn’t even remember until it came back in a flashback a night later.

     If the fact that she was betrayed by a friend isn’t enough to make your blood boil, what makes it worse is that I can tell her all day every day that it was in no way her fault, and a majority of herself will agree with that, but thanks to the way our society is, she still feels like she is partially to blame. She drank (the doctor told her it was likely she had been slipped something, given how sick she got). She admitted she found him attractive (and while I hope no one reading this needs to be told, in case you don’t know, thinking someone is pretty/handsome/whatever, it’s not consent for things going beyond that.) These things do not in any way, shape, or form, justify what happened to her. What happens to too many.

     And it makes me even more upset that I can’t tell her with confidence that a court system would agree with me. I can’t tell her that her situation wouldn’t turn out just like the Stanford case right now. Because it just takes one judge to think the rapist’s future is more important, more worthy of protecting, than hers.

     This has to stop. Now. It should have stopped long before. I saw a hashtag today from an organization, which prompted me to right this, and I stand by it. #itsonus to stop blaming victims, and start blaming rapists. Stop mourning the broken futures of someone who knows the difference in right and wrong and still chooses to rape. And mostly importantly, support the victims. Don’t put them on a trial for the actions of someone else, that affected them. Support them. Get justice for them.

               When I saw the text message from my best friend showing a patch of hair cut out of her elementary school-aged daughter (who we will call J), I originally thought she had done what many kids do once they know how to use scissors. But the truth of what happened horrified me. A classmate, her “best friend,” had walked over, informed J that she was going to cut her hair and, despite protests, lifted up the top layer of hair and cut around her ear. Once my best friend finally got the truth out of her for what happened, she asked why she didn’t tell the teacher, or at least her what had happened? Of course, J was afraid she’d get in trouble with her teacher, but the other reason? Because she didn’t want her friend to be mad at her.

                If that wasn’t heart breaking enough, it only got worse. When J finally confided in her teacher what happened, the little girl denied it (as to be expected). After a conference with the principal, she broke down and confessed and apologized. All was better, right? Well, if only it was that easy. That afternoon, some of J’s classmates approached her and said that her “friend” was going around calling her a liar and urging the classmates to not be friends with J. So let me get this straight. The little girl had the scissors. The little girl walked up to J and told her she was going to cut her hair. J told her no. She did it anyway and then lied to the teacher and, up until her breakdown and confession, to the principal. But J is the liar who shouldn’t have friends?

                I have one word to describe that behavior: Bullying. Well, what I like to call Unconventional Bullying.

                When you hear the word bullying, you automatically think of the big kid on the playground picking on the younger kids. Threatening all sorts of things if you didn’t bring them your lunch money or your toys. Shoving you in the locker. In recent years, you may even think about anonymous messages sent on social media or spreading rumors about the “different” kid in school who doesn’t fit in. But what happens when the mean words, threats or negative actions come from someone you consider close? Unconventional Bullying.

                I’ve personally witnessed Unconventional Bullying in just about all age groups. In fact, I’ve even been the “victim” of it myself through the years (though I definitely don’t consider myself a victim in any sense of the word). It isn’t just elementary school kids cutting their friends hair.

                It’s my four-year-old daughter running to me, sobbing, because her best friend called her a baby for the twelfth time in the past two hours, and it’s not a new trend.

                It’s the middle school me being met with laughter and rolling eyes because “you really want to talk about that weird band again?”

                It’s the high school me feeling isolated from her old friends because her “better” ones would rather eat somewhere else. But then those same “better” friends sit her down after school to ask what’s wrong, blind to the fact that it’s the mean notes and generally how they treat her that’s wrong.

                It’s being an adult that’s suddenly back in high school because you somehow got sucked into drama that isn’t even yours. Being asked to lie, never knowing what words from your friend are the truth, and dozens of little comments that leave you feeling insecure around them.

               It’s all of these, and still thinking that person is your best friend. And you put up with it because you have this notion that best friends stick together through thick and thin. I’m here to tell you that that’s not the truth.  Will the occasional drama happen? Well, sure, maybe, especially in the teen years. But where does that line from normal to Unconventional Bullying get crossed?

               Don’t confuse Unconventional Bullying with Bullying. It’s different, which is why I call it Unconventional. Unconventional Bullying doesn’t mean that there was a big mean bully seeking out a weak victim for their joy, it means a friend treating you how you shouldn’t be treated, but expecting you to stick around. You don’t have to stick around.

               If you’re coming home after spending time with your best friend and you’re questioning if your interests are okay or weird, it’s not friendship. If you come home and you’re crying for the fifth time this week because you were once again passed a nasty note, it’s not friendship. If you come home and have to ask another friend if they would have taken these words negatively, because you can’t get them off your mind and they hurt your soul, it’s not friendship. It’s all just different versions of that little girl implying to J, “Let me do this to you, or we won’t be friends anymore.”

                But guess what? You don’t deserve that friend. You don’t need the friend that comes with self-compromising conditions. That’s not a friend! You deserve the friend who you can laugh with for hours and feel like minutes have gone by. You deserve the friend who can stand the test of time and distance. You deserve the friend where the biggest fight is over if a movie was good or not. You deserve who accepts you for everything you are and is your biggest cheerleader in all aspects of your life, even if it’s different from their own.

                I have spent so much of my life being unconventionally bullied, even now when I’m half way through my twenties, but not anymore. I have two very best friends, and a number of other close friends, who are amazing. I am unapologetically me and they stand by my side and applaud that, and I for them. They are real friends. Go find the friends you deserve.

I was reflecting on a few things in life while driving earlier today. Specifically, I was thinking on relationships I have/have had where I struggled with the idea that it may be  best to not be in that relationship anymore. If you even partially know me, you know that I highly believe in cutting toxic people out of your life; but on that same note of knowing me, you know I'm a very kind, forgiving person in most situations. But this topic was on my mind after having a conversation with a few friends from my small group at church where we mentioned being people-pleasers.  
And then it hit me. I had an epiphany. A little message from God/The Universe that said, "Someone's circumstances don't give them the right to treat you any way they please, if it isn't beneficial to you." Now, you may thinking "DUH!" but it was one of those "duh" moments I really needed to hear right now.
 
See, lately, it's been spoken on my heart that I need to start focusing more on what it is that I want/need for me and my family instead of what would make other people happy. And I don't mean that in a selfish way, but in a nurturing way (because, while it may not always occur to us, nurturing ourselves is quite important.) The urge has influenced things as small as what we should do one afternoon, to where we should live when we buy a house and everything in between.

This all circles back to where I started this post; relationships. If you asked me to tell you why I was put on this Earth, I would say that as far as I know now, at the age of 25, it's to help people. Whether it's being a listening ear, being a mother to my children, or hopefully inspring people with my writing. I'm here to help. But sometimes, in the midst of trying to help, someone says the wrong words to you and they stick with you, even after you've already forgiven them (forgiving and forgetting are two very different things. I don't hold ill will toward anyone, but I'm also wise enough to not  forget what has been said.) And the next thing you know, you find yourself making excuses as to why it was okay to be treated some way, even if you were sure they didn't quite realize how they came across--they had such and such going on, so they were just stressed, or what have you. It doesn't matter what they're going through. Nothing can excuse someone treating you less than the awesome person you are.

I'm not saying you have to automatically cut out everyone who ever says something that rubs you the wrong way, but you don't have to constantly go out of your way for someone like that's happiness. Because, as selfish as it sounds, when it comes to your own happiness, you're more important.

And to think, all of this popped in my head just because I was at a red light. Funny how life works that way, huh?

Last August, I fulfilled a months-long dream of signing up as an Independent Consultant for Jamberry Nails. Around the time I joined, the company released the location of the following year’s International Conference and it was a mere half an hour away!! Talk about a sign from above for what you’re supposed to do! So, I planned right then and there to go and officially registered in February.

Fast forward to July 2015. As the dates for conference quickly approached, everyone kept telling me how I was finally getting a break, and I so deserved it.

I’m a stay at home mom for our two beautiful girls, who are currently 1 and 3 years old. My husband works--a lot. So I am left with most of the parenting responsibilities. Do I need a break every now and again? Absolutely. But that’s when I get with my girlfriends and do some baking, or head out to dinner. I don’t need to go to a business conference to get a break from a life that I chose. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I love being able to spend so much time with my children. They do things that drive me absolutely bonkers from time to time, but hey, they’re kids. It’s their job.

Let me tell you all something—and I mean this in the most respectful way: This conference wasn’t my way of trying to get “a break” from my everyday life. This conference was about investing in my business, and more importantly, investing in myself.

We had multiple amazing speakers from Valorie Burton to Ramon Ray to the CEO and CFO of our company. I took something away from each person that didn’t only give me inspiration for my business, but inspiration to be a better me. And let me tell you, they were all about you being YOU (no, seriously, the theme was Be You, Be Beautiful.) I got to meet so many lovely women who were all there for the same reason, to improve their business. I was able to be lifted up and help lift them up all at the same time, and we will continue to do so now. I made not only friends, but sisters. And as a bonus, I got to see the wonderful new things the company is trying to do in the future for our customers. I don’t know about you, but to me, that doesn’t just sound like a vacation from my kids. That sounds like so. Much. More. And it was.

 So, please accept from the bottom of my heart my thanks for helping me be able to attend, whether it was childcare or mere support; for realizing how happy I was; for realizing I deserved this. I did. But not because I’m seemingly “stuck” at home with my kids all the time (in fact, I missed them quite a lot!). I deserved it because this is my business and my life. And it was a game changer.

How I get groceries for cheap is a topic I’ve been asked about a few times lately, so I promised I'd try my best to write up a blog post explaining all that I do. Here goes! Hope it helps!

We’ve probably all seen (or at least have heard of) the extreme couponers who somehow feed a family of ten on $5 a year, which are numbers I’m totally making up, but still, you see my point. These people spend the same amount of time sorting and clipping coupons for it to literally be considered a full time job! I don’t know about you, but I neither have the time nor the patience to do that. So, rest assured, this isn’t yet another blog about the ins and outs of couponing.

Now, I first started figuring out my way around a grocery store on a (very, very tight) budget once I was out on my own. Moving out on your own is hard! You go from having a roof over your head for no cost to you. Bill? What are those, right? And the pantry was magically filled every week when mom or dad (or whoever) came home and told you to help unload the groceries from the car. Once out on your own, you suddenly have rent to pay and electricity and oh my gosh! Has water always been so expensive? Add cell phones, which are basically a necessity in a world where the land line is nearly extinct, cable/Internet if you can afford it and suddenly your paycheck seems much, much smaller. How can you even begin to pay for groceries?

I’ve been out on my own 100% since I was 19 (nearly 5 years ago). I was married at 18, but due to a couple of different reasons, we weren’t able to live together on our own for another 7 months. So, once we did have our own place, I was like a fish out of water. I was very fortunate growing up in that my parents always made sure we had everything we needed, even when I know things were tight. Why did I never both to ask them how they did it? Now, here I was, across the country, miles upon miles away from home. It was time to figure this out!

From being so broke that we’ve had to ask for help (don’t be embarrassed, it happens to everyone at some point in time) to having kids and wanting to stretch a dollar as far as we can to better provide for them, these are tips I’ve managed to compile over the years.

Find your store!

Where you grocery shop can make or break it when it comes to your grocery bill. When we were first on our own, we lived within walking distance of a Super Target, so I figured it’d be the most convenient place to shop. Let me tell you, when you’re tight on cash, that is not the place to go. Basically, you have to just keep literally shopping around until you find the place that’s best for you. Pay attention to if the store carries their own generic brand, if they have great deals on high price items like meat, if they have nice weekly sales, and so forth. And always, always, compare! Some stores, you can buy a few items and walk out spending way more than you anticipated, only to drive a mile down the road to another store and discover you just got ripped off.

Don’t be afraid to check out budget stores, too! While I haven’t been to many to give my opinion, Save A Lot was a life saver for us when we were first on our own. You may not get the luxuries of all your favorite brand name items, but you start learning you don’t need them.

In the end, you may find some items are worth buying at one store, while others are better across the street at the competition. If you think it’s worth it, go to both! There were plenty of times I’d buy a lot of groceries at Save A Lot, but then drive across the street to King Soopers (Kroger) to pick up a few things I knew were better priced there. Just figure out what works for you and don’t be afraid to change it up if you think you could be doing better.

Make a meal plan

Before you go shopping, first determine how long you’re trying to make these last. Then, come up with meals for that allotted time. So, say you decide to get a week’s worth of groceries. Come up with about eight different dinners you’d like to have that week. Now, write everything you’d need for each meal on a grocery list. By choosing eight instead of exactly seven, you’re able to give yourself more choices during the week, so you aren’t as tempted to make a “quick run” to the store for something else. I’m telling you, you end up spending a LOT more money that way than sticking to your meal plan. 

Also, when making your meal plan, don’t forget to think of more than just dinner. I admittedly still have issues remembering to think up ideas for breakfast and lunch. Obviously, you don’t have to get as detailed for these meals as you do for dinner, but you don’t want to forget about them. If you do, you’ll find yourself hungry in the afternoon and stuck with yet another peanut butter sandwich when you’d much rather eat anything else.

Make a list and STICK TO IT!

Following up on meal planning, you want to make sure you make a list that corresponds with the meals. Write down every single thing you think you’ll need or want during the week (within reason. Remember, you’re on a budget!) When you go to the store, don’t throw those cake snacks that look oh so tempting into the cart if they aren’t already on your list. Impulse buys will be your downfall if you don’t stick to your list.

Shop alone

If you live alone, this one won’t be an issue, but if you have a roommate, significant other or kids? Leave them at home. Come up with your list and meal plan together so they have a say in what comes back. Having extra people adds more chances for you to stray from your list. I can’t tell you how many times I wish I had waited to go to the store without my husband because he’d start throwing whatever looked good into the cart, meaning I was spending more than I wanted to come check out time. It’s even worse with kids. They see the colorful boxes promising yummy goodies inside and, oh my goodness, Mom, I just need it. Save yourself the trouble and just shop alone.

Compare items (and bring a calculator!!)

Something I’ve noticed in a lot of stores is the price difference in similar products. For example, if you have chicken written on your list, you may wander over to the meat department and see the different packs and think they aren’t that bad of a price. But, over in the freezer section, you can buy the big bags of individually frozen chicken breasts/thighs/tenderloins that are a better value since they’re only a couple of dollars more, but with significantly more (which means you can use it for more than one meal!) Many grocery stores also have their own generic brand. In my experience, many store brand items are just as good as their name brand counterparts. This can go for nonfood items, too. I currently have two children in diapers. While you have to be careful using store brand on some things, I have found a few stores whose diapers are very nice (others, not so much.) For items like that, you can either experiment or research online for reviews. But there are nice ones, I swear (Personally, my favorite store brand is Kroger’s Comforts)!

I say to bring a calculator because it will really help decide if something’s a good deal or not. I personally will take two items and figure out which is the better deal. Let’s say there’s a jar of peanut butter on sale for $2.99 and it’s a 24 oz jar. Next to it is a 32 oz jar that costs $3.15. The $2.99 seems like a good deal until you do your math and realize it’s $0.12 per ounce where the other jar is only $0.10. I know it’s not much of a difference, but sometimes, every penny counts. So, basically, just keep your eyes peeled on price tags and make sure you really are spending your money the best way you can.

Learn to make homemade

 

I cannot tell you how much I have saved just by keeping standard baking items stocked in my pantry. Learning to make even a few items yourself can make a huge difference. You don’t have to be a gourmet chef to learn how to make simple things. The items I usually try to make homemade are pancakes, biscuits (though, admittedly, I find myself often buying the cheap store brand canned biscuits because sometimes I just don’t want to go fully homemade. I always get the best deal, though!) and pizza crust. These are all so easy to make! The Internet is full of great, easy recipes that don’t require much baking skills at all!

Keeping baking ingredients stocked also helps when you get a sweet craving. Instead of running out to the store, wasting more gas and more grocery money, to buy cookies or pre-made cookie dough, you can make it yourself!

You can go beyond baking with going homemade, too. Instead of buying canned soups, find a recipe to make your own! I personally have two different types of potato soup (potatoes being another great cheap buy for your saving needs!) that we love to eat. One’s a nice filling cheesy that’s perfect for cold nights while the other is a lighter loaded baked potato flavor. All I did to learn them was search online and follow the steps! It’s that simple! And it can save you so much.

Even beyond cooking, there are certain things you can make to replace buying them. I’m talking cleaners, etc. Some people make their own dish detergent, cleaners and who knows what else, but I don’t know about all of that. I personally use white vinegar, diluted with just regular old tap water and occasionally a few drops of dish soap for some extra power mixed up in a spray bottle. I use it for everything from mopping to wiping my counters. A big jug of vinegar can go a long way. It eliminates the need to replace expensive cleaners and as a bonus, it’s safe!  

Coupons

I’ve only recently started dabbling with coupons. I’m not great at it by any means, but they really do help (if they’re for items you’d buy anyways!) Some stores even offer digital coupons that you can load onto your savers card (I know for a fact that Kroger does, as that’s what I use, but other stores might, too.)

Leftovers and the freezer

Something I’m still bad at is using left overs. I’m terrible about keeping leftovers and forgetting about them until they’re bad and end up in the trash, but if really, leftovers can help out so much! They’re great for lunches, a lazy dinner night or even to be made into something else! Something I definitely recommend when it comes to having a ton of left overs is the freezer. We sometimes smoke briskets and, if you’ve ever had brisket, you know that is quite a hunk of meat. When it’s freshly cooked, my husband slices it up and after a couple of days, when we’re not eating on it as much, I wrap it up nicely and throw it in the freezer. That way, it lasts longer and you don’t have to go out and buy a whole new brisket for a small craving. I’ve done the same in the past with soups.

Speaking of the freezer, freeze your meats! If you buy a big thing of meat (such as a couple of pounds of ground beef instead of individually wrapped one pound portions), portion it out and freeze them individually. Thaw them out when you need them instead of leaving them all in the fridge and risking them going bad before you’re ready for them. You may buy something and intend to use it the next night, but maybe that next night you decide to cook something different. A few days later, you go to pull that out and it’s gone bad. Nothing makes your wallet hurt like having to replace something you didn’t even get to use.

When quality counts

Lastly, there are times when shopping that you have to learn when spending the extra money is better than going with the cheapest price. My biggest example of this is dish soap, both for a dishwasher and for doing dishes by hand. A few months back, I had stopped into the dollar store for something and remembered I needed dish soap. I headed over to their cleaning supplies and saw the small bottles of name brand, but right next to them was a giant bottle of their own brand. This was an easy decision, I thought, and I bought the big bottle. Boy, was I wrong! I had to squirt so much soap to get even the smallest amount of dishes washed. Every time I did dishes, I regretted the purchase. I’ve done the same thing with store brand dishwasher detergent. You think that the jokes on the name brands because you just bought the same thing for half the price. Sometimes that is the case, but when you’re having to rewash half of your dishes, the jokes on you. Now, I’m sticking with name brands when it comes to items like this. Having a quality item that costs a little more is much better than using a large amount of a crappy item to get a fraction of the results.

 Well, that’s that! There’s my tips on cheap shopping! I’m sure there are plenty of blogs with similar or even better tips, but that’s how I’ve done it the past few years and I’ve found it really helps. Hopefully, the tips can help someone else, too!

  -Lindsey

How terrifying it is, raising a daughter in a world where more concern is shown for rapists than victims.

I'm sure by now, everyone's heard about the situation in Steubenville, Ohio, where two teenage boys raped a teenage girl. Today, I saw a YouTube video taken from CNN discussing how the boys' lives are destroyed and they will be haunted forever by this, which is true, but their tones of sympathy are a bit perplexing. Why do they all care about how terrible it is that these boys will have to deal with this forever? It's called dealing with the consequences of your actions. And where was the mention of the victim? The girl who will be haunted by this event for the rest of her life? Not one word for her.

But I'm not writing this blog just to talk about this particular case, because there are plenty of news articles (and blogs, too, I'm sure) dealing with it. I'm writing this blog as a mother of a daughter who will one day have to face this dark side of our world (though, I pray and pray, only through the news.) I shouldn't look at my not even two year old daughter and be scared of what the future may hold for her. How will we explain to her what terrible monsters are out there and, even scarier, how the "good people," care more for them than her?

    "And I'm thinking what the hell would you tell your daughter, your someday daughter, when you'd have to hold her beautiful     face to this beat up face of this place that hasn't learned the meaning of stop. Stop."  -Andrea Gibson, "Blue Blanket"

To be honest, I don't think those negative things often. I think of the better parts that lay ahead. School, friends, her first relationship (thirty years from now...) But that doesn't mean that one night, when she's a teenager, I won't have to explain to her how she has to be careful on her way out to the car because there may be a monster lurking behind her; a monster who knows everyone would side with him if she made one "mistake."

I don't want my daughter growing up scared. I plan to teach her that it is never the fault of a victim for something happening. It's not her fault that a man doesn't understand no. It's not her fault because she chose one outfit over another. It's not her fault the sun went down before she could get home. It's not her fault that she chose to have a few drinks (when of legal age, I hope) with her friends thinking it'd be a fun night.

This is what I will teach my daughter. And if I ever have a son, I will teach him how to be a decent human being, the same as I will for my daughter.

If you think this is a smaller problem than it really is, stop. Picture yourself/your mother/sister/wife/daughter being a victim of what happened in Ohio. Would it matter then? Because it's no different than that. Every victim has a family. Every victim is someone's sister/wife/daughter/mother. Every victim matters. We can change this. We can stop this victim blaming society from continuing or, God forbid, becoming worse. Stand up, and start teaching "Don't Rape," instead of "Don't Get Raped."

Our children deserve that, don't they?


            "She's not asking what you're gonna tell your daughter. She's asking what you're going to teach your son." -Andrea                Gibson, "Blue Blanket"