Two weeks ago today, my life, my family's lives, and the lives of my best friend/her family changed forever when we learned the news that her twelve year old daughter, who was in the hospital, wasn't going to make it. The time since has been a surreal adjustment to life with a gaping hole in our hearts and I know I wouldn't make it through this if Anna wasn't one of my Invaluable Friends.
I have been best friends with Anna since we met the summer of 2012. At the time, we each only had one child: she a three year old girl, and me a not-quite-one year old girl, and they were the best of friends. We were instantly connected. So similar in all the ways that mattered, and different in ways that merely complimented our whole. We decided to have another child at the same time, and our second born children are just 19 days apart. And while there were special children in my life before we met, knowing her children is what taught me to love a friend's children as your own. And despite us all moving away from that base in Colorado, we've stayed close, and every time we've managed to come together in person, our children have picked right back up where they left off, the same as us. So you can imagine the absolute punch to the gut the last two weeks have been for us all. But making you feel sorry for us is not the point of this blog. I want to write about how much it means for Anna to be not only my best friend, but an Invaluable Friend like I mentioned in my previous blog post, because it truly makes a difference getting through a hard time. There have been several instances in life where I've been by a best friend's side through hardship and found myself taking on a weight (perhaps not meant for me) with no idea how to set it back down. Being a people-pleaser, I've always felt it my job to just suck it up and deal with it because they're going through a hard time. I couldn't be weak, I had to be there for them! I've stayed silent, even when it ended up burning me. (It's worth noting that no one has ever told me that's my job, it's just how my brain is wired.) Over the last two weeks, I have found myself doing the same thing. See, as mentioned in the previous post, I go to my Invaluable Friends to talk through things.It's how we process. And this time, it was happening ten fold to the Invaluable Friend! I couldn't possibly bother her! I've talked to my husband, who, with his fix-it attitude, always says he wishes he had the answers he couldn't possibly have; I've written things I haven't wanted to share with anyone; I've turned on sad songs that help put words to my feelings. But honestly, I've forced myself to somewhat suck it up and get through it because it wasn't about me (even though it directly impacted me.) And I've felt like I've failed at that, especially when we rushed to their town for support and her celebration of life. For once, it was like I didn't know how to be that strong "always there for you" friend. Today it hit me, though, while on one of my regular video chats with Anna. We went through our normal conversation, sometimes (most times) veering towards how we're feeling (or not feeling). For a moment, we shared a dark humor joke with each other (one I won't share here so as to not offend anyone), and we shared some things we've each written in our grief, and I was reminded of our promise to each other two weeks ago: we would get through this together. I'm not being annoying (or worse, falsely upset. Thanks, imposter syndrome), I'm going through this WITH someone. We aren't separately going through a major event. We've been friends for nearly a decade and this was happening to us both, even if in different ways. Two weeks ago, we didn't know how we would get through this (hell, we still don't) but we will do it together. And that has made all the difference.
1 Comment
Jenny
1/21/2021 11:15:35 am
My heart breaks for both of you! If I could absorb some of the weight of the grief you both carry, l would. If I could send some of my strength to you, I would. I can, however, send you thoughts of love and wishes for strength and healing. I’m glad that you both have each other to get through this. That is a blessing. 💜
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AuthorHello! I'm Lindsey. I'm a writer with a ton of random thoughts bouncing around in my head. So I share them here in hopes that they reach others with these thoughts. Archives
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